did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
well I can't set my house on fire every night
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize