I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
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