I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Randomize
