So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Randomize
