Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
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