I love black thongs
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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