I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
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