I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
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