Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
