if i died would you start the facebook group?
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
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