I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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