you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
