yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
