my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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