Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Randomize
