Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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