I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Randomize
