maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
she looked like the before picture.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Randomize
