What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Randomize