All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
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