Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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