Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
