So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Randomize