Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
You may now shotgun with the bride
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
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