How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
