I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
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