I just made out with a guy for $7.
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
