OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
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