He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
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