so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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