Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Randomize
