i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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