Where are you?
In a non slutty way
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Randomize
