he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
