Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
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