just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize