New invention idea: vibrating tampons
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
