Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize
