Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
