sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
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