I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
