I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
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