a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
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