tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
pray to the hookup gods
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Randomize
