I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
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