I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
