using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
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