I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
