I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
home. puking in laundry basket.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Randomize
