Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Randomize
