Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Randomize
