an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Randomize
