So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
