to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
