I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
