So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Randomize
