I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
