i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Randomize
