I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Randomize
