put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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