All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
