Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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