Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
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