dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Randomize
