New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
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