She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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