hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
You're so nebulous sometimes
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
