Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
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