I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
